Javelintarget

I saw other people doing this so I thought I might join in. I actually wrote this a week ago but decided I'd wait to post it, then lost the file then found it then got it on here. It took me almost an hour. And I saved it SO I WOULDN'T LOSE IT. Like, How does this happen. No question mark, Just how. ANYWAY, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, OUR (my) FEATURE PRESENTATION:

I had just started 7th grade. There was a girl I knew that I constantly talked to on Yahoo, and she'd often send me art she'd drawn. ASDF long story short she was freaking amazing at it. And one day she convinced me that I should make an acount here and watch her. The End. No but really I'd been finding art on here for a while before then and I was using it on forums and stuff for my signatures and whatnot cause I spent like 90% of my time at home on forums or playing video games. BUT ANYWAY. I was 12 then. Now I'm almost 18. Oh how time flies. But anyway. I used that account for maybe a year then forgot about it as time passed. Throughout 10th grade and before that, in 9th, I had a girlfriend who also used dA all the time, she never tried to get me on but I'm sure she would have liked it if I did, but in the beginning of 11th grade (I was 16 then) and after she and I had split (for the first time) I decided to look back into it because my best friend at the time was very active, posting his stories and such and I thought that I might try getting in on that too (and wanting to bridge the gap between her and I, though it didn't much help, I don't think, though we did get back together half a year later only to split a few months later for the last time; I think I might be getting too personal/detailed on that). so I checked out my old account and, being unhappy with the name and a lot of things I set up wrong, started the one you're seeing this on and have been coming off and on ever since, posting short stories and my terrible, terrible art much more than I ever did before. So now after 5 or 6 years, this is my story. Thank you. Now you may move on with your day, after you read these following messages.

Happy Birthday deviantART I guess. I mean, you're kind of not a living breathing thing but you are a community of like-minded people so I guess it's okay to celebrate your birthday.

Speaking of Birthdays, mine is in like 2 days now so yay me
and and whatcha gonna get me guys huh huh

AND NOW I SHOULD BE GETTING TO BED TO HAVE MY EYES CHECKED IN THE MORN. Oh and remind me to work on my book and play Halo 2, thanks.

Per/Javelintarget

I ask if we can clean up the house. He gets angry.
I ask if I can use something he's not using and probably never will use. He gets angry.
I do all this work outside for him, but neglect some of my chores for a set of 2 weeks. He gets angry.
I try to get things done in thew house. He gets angry. I ask him if he can let me off on simply washing the dishes that my friends and I have used in the kitchen sink or look into why the water tastes, smells and feels nasty, he asks me if I would like to switch jobs with him when I only have to wash dishes occasionally, and gives me reasons why he won't check the sink, and ultimately, he gets angry.
I ask him if we can work on the fridge and the freezer to empty them and make room so I have space in specific areas for my things and so that I can find things that I'd want to use, he gets angry, and also never seems to have time to when he DOESN'T get angry, even though I could do it fine myself, but he won't let me.
HALF THE THINGS IN THOSE 3 PLACES (2 freezers and a fridge) ARE UNSAFE TO EAT ANYWAY! But he gets angry when I say that.
I ask him if we can clean out the closets, he tells me that I should take out the recycle to help with that. THAT DOESN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING. IT'LL GET FULL AND I'LL HAVE TO TAKE IT OUT AGAIN. 
I ask him if we can get projects done; he says we'll do them soon, and several of them aren't done 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 years later.
He angrily tells me that he "just cleaned the kitchen yesterday" when the kitchen hasn't been clean and organized and tidy since I was 9. It feels smaller than it actually is.
He angrily tells me that he "just cleaned the bathroom mirror yesterday" when it's going to get dirty being right in front of the sink.
He spends every weekend working in the yard when the house is uncomfortable to be in and needs to be sorted through and half of it thrown out, which he'd get angry if I did it on my own and even if I could, there's no room in the house to even do that.
The house gets too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter because there is no insulation. He doesn't have time to work on that.
He wants me to vacuum and sweep once a week when it's practically pointless with the house the way it is.

I get treated as though I never do anything all the time, and it hurts. I don't get any appreciation for the things I am doing, which is a lot more than he acts like it is.

90% of the time I want to leave, but if I did, I'd have no idea where to go, I'd be broke and probably homeless, and he wouldn't help me I'm sure. I'd be fucked, really.

So, I have practically no comfort at home and I have no comfort anywhere else. My room is probably the only place I have any slight comfort and even there it's not great because I still have no door and I can't put it in myself and he never has the time.

It's also very hard to get anything done on the internet at a reliable speed. I've asked and asked if we can change it but he tells me I have to pay if we do BUT, he overpays in the first place for the shittiest possible internet in our area. We could get much better internet and phone service for $40 less. But he doesn't want to talk about it. Just like the fridge and the sink and the trucks ruining the lawn by sitting on it and the house and. and. and. and. 

I.E. My dad's an ass, and he doesn't make sense half the time, to pretty much anyone. The only projects I can get done are practically meaningless, cleaning up the gardens and hopefully putting a shelf in my room for my monitor so I'm a bit more comfortable. I've pretty much given up on switching rooms because it's never going to happen. It's all so frustrating. He's a really hard person to live with and I'm beginning to understand why my mom is glad she doesn't live here.

Sorry, had to rant and get it all out. I'm just so sick and tired of this bullshit. 
Thanks for reading, I guess. Have a good day, and I hope nobody else has to deal with shit like this.
Per/Javelintarget

2 in 2 days, wow. Amazing.

I don't even know what to say anymore, it was all in my head and now it's just gone. I even had something I was going to ask someone about. BUT I FORGOT AND I CAN'T REMEMBER WHY I THOUGHT OF IT. Which would help me remember. But I got home and started screaming, like metal screaming and then I went into my room and started listening to Beartooth. AND FORGOT.

I mean, Katie just happened to decide she was going to bring me Kingdom Heart II. To keep. Forever. And then stole me from home to hang out with Jesse. Then left Jesse and went to her house. Lots of Skyrim. Knowing full well she might read this; well it's not like I was thinking anything. I couldn't focus on anything XD I was being all awkward but I was talking to her and they fed me burgers. I mean I did think about how accepting of me her family has always been. Even though we've dated 2wice and broken up 2wice and keep having fall-ins and outs. I don't get it.

But just being around her after all that, what am I doing to myself? Not sure if it's healthy for me.

I should probably mow the lawn a bit and wash Dad's truck soon. BUT I WANT TO REMEMBER THAT DAMN THING I WAS GOING TO ASK. Was it about food? Was it a bout school? Was it about Graduation? Was it about Music? Was it about anything else? Was it about video games? WHAT THE HELL WAS IT ABOUT? Holy hot damn. I wrote most of this over an hour ago. Shizznit. Well I give up//

here,
Per/Javelintarget

I just finished reading Allegiant and it has to be the most emotionally destructive book I've ever read (well, Oblivion by Anthony Horowitz kind of is too, but that's a bit different). I left a few tears on the last bunch of pages. That's good writing. Actually, the whole Divergent series is a real tear-jerker. Plot twists at every corner. Definitely worth the read, just... be forewarned... it's easy to cry on and over.

Despite its similarities to the Hunger Games, it's actually a much better series in my honest opinion. And the last book ended a lot better, didn't seem rushed. And while Mockingjay should've been emotionally destructive, it didn't give you a chance for any of that. It happened and it was gone, past the situation in an instant, while the whole Divergent series doesn't let things go. It hangs on to the sorrow through the whole thing and it's wonderful. I'd give it a 9/10 or 10/10.

Then I mentioned Oblivion; the final book to the Gatekeepers/Power of 5 series. It also doesn't give much of a chance to mourn, but it's a lot more satisfying than Mockingjay was, which isn't comparing it to much. Probably a 7/10 or 8/10 on the range of how satisfying it was. If you haven't gotten the message, Mockingjay is one of the most disappointing books I've ever finished, (like a 2/10 or at most 3/10).

A lot has happened since my last entry. Twice I almost went to court. Twice I stopped talking to my ex for extended periods of time, once I was dumped. 3 times, I went to concerts, 3 times I went to the Opera. My internet life has dwindled and my real life has sort of dwindled too. I lost contact with one of my best friends and I miss him dearly. I got lost in the world, and found another path again. I bought a billion cds. Well not that many but, you get the idea. I made some new friends that are pretty good. 

I don't remember alot of what happened in February (or for that matter, the rest of January), but there are a few things that stand out. On the 11th, I saw Escape The Fate live for the second time in my life with Falling In Reverse, Chelsea Grin and Survive This! and caught a drumstick and got Dicks burgers for the first time (and they messed up my order which was for the better to be honest.) Two days later I went on a day trip with Jonah to my favorite music store and got 4 CDs and we tried to buy Fallout: New Vegas for his then girlfriend (and succeeded, at the second GameStop), it was a fun day. I was diagnosed with ADHD, depression, anxiety and a social phobia on February 14. I caught a cold that day, and it lasted a week. I saw RoboCop with Maddie on the 22nd, she bit my ear, which my friends told me I should have acted on. Later that day I smoked hookah with another good friend and two of his other friends, not much though, I try not to do too much of that. I hungout with Maddie a bit more. My good friend's grandma passed away at the end of the month. My attendance got gradually better for a time. I went to an Opera, I don't remember which.

March, I went skating with Maddie, Jonah and I hung out all the time because he was out of his band. I didn't see any concerts but I asked Maddie out. Faith (an elementary school girlfriend, friends with Maddie) and I talked a lot. I went to a funeral for my friend's grandma, then spent a weekend at my oldest friend's house in Seattle. It was the best weekend, despite the funeral. I gamed a lot and got closer to those friends again. And I re-wrote the notebook I'd messed up the week before (it got all wet walking to the skating place, I had to walk almost 3 miles in the pouring rain). I still have to upload my drawings out of that old notebook, I remember. I had a lot of ideas for my book, but acted upon very few of them. Katie and I started talking again. We got along a bit because I was getting over her and Maddie was becoming my main focus, love-wise. I gave her game back. Now I can't play it. I saw an Opera. I believe it was good, but I can't remember which one it was. Maddie and I got very close, very quick, but split when the going got rough on her end and an old crush showed up in the picture for her. I finished an essay that same day, possibly one of my best. That weekend was my best for homework, for the past few months. I showed up most of that next week, but my attendance dropped significantly after that.

April. April is the most blurry of the months, no love interest and most of the days I slept in and racked up absences in school. I saw a lot of TV shows though. Didn't do much homework though and showed up very little to school. Katie left my school for good and came over to my house the day before spring break. She teased me, played shadow of the colossus and brought me a margarita. I was acting nervous and weird like I always have. She got me thinking about why I should stay in High School or if I should get out and go to college with a GED. I wrestled with it for a long time. Spring break was a blur, I had a lot of friends around, I think Jonah joined up back in the band, Dad suddenly got a fancy new car. Ben's mom moved. I helped and made 100 dollars. It was wonderful. The breakup was not affecting me as much anymore. Katie spent time in Vegas, and I started wanting her again. It was hell. I barely remember the rest of the month though. Barely anything happened once I lost my will to do anything. I just wanted to die. I didn't care anymore. Especially after my Grandpa came to pick me up and take me to school. He was pissed and it was most definitely not like him, it was one of the scariest moments of my life and I was afraid to see him again just a few days later, when we visited because they'd just come back to Washington from Arizona. I was literally terrified. That was near the end of the month. 

May has been better; the first week, which ended April and joined into this month was blah and I missed the whole week. But with that weekend brought a bit of a difference. I went to a seminar about a thing called the If project where a bunch of prison inmates had written essays on "If someone could have said/done one thing to put you on a different path than you're on now, what would it have been?" or something like that. I honestly didn't think it applied to me (and really, it didn't) because I'm not out causing trouble or doing drugs, but I needed to be there. It was interesting and I did learn a lot about not just other people, but myself as well. It was kind of eye opening. 3 days later I was at school for the fist time in 2 weeks. I went with my dad to a meeting for the "Guidance team" to help figure out  what they could do for me at my school. It was decided that I would end up with a 504 plan and a thing called "Pass//Fail" which lets me waive the attendance policy if I show some effort in my classes and I may be able to get credit back from the previous semester without any appeal. The next decision was that I would look into other possibilities for next year to finish up my high school credits and get a diploma. An option that was brought up and interested me was Bellevue College's CEO program and I'm 50/50 on that or Futures for next year. I was at school the rest of that week, for many reasons. I wanted to go on the choir trip the next weekend, and I actually wanted to be there for reasons unknown to even me. I was put into a foods group I didn't want to be in and lost the ability to cook with my friends in that class. That Friday, the 9th, I met up with my friend and rode with him into seattle to see blessthefall for the second time, with Silverstein, The Amity Affliction and Heartist and it was amazing. I bought a CD and made a new amazing friend. I lost my shoe during Silverstein (3rd Set) and got my lip smashed between my teeth. We talked about music all the way there and back. I met the singer of Heartist and got a picture with the dude. The next day, I went to see my counselor and then went to Value Village and bought 2 CDs and a game, then went to see an Opera with my dad, and for the first time in years, we were 30 minutes early and got a great parking space and it was all okay. It was a good one too. A love story. I slept through most of the first act (I was exhausted from waking so early in the past week), but I enjoyed the second act and the third/epilogue, which were separate but played out together. I went to bed pretty early that night, after planning my trip for the next day. I got up at 9:30 and got ready to go. Printed out directions only to miss the bus. Dad helped Jonah and I to Bellevue and we took the bus to Seattle, then switched to another, then missed our stop and ended up way far and had to wait for a return bus. We got off and made it with quite enough time to not miss Chiodos playing an acoustic show. It was great. I bought 2 cds and met the band. I got pictures with 5 of the 6, one was a selfie with the drummer and the guitarist (who is also in The Fall of Troy, which is amazing). The singer was a great, down to earth, personable guy and he really inspired me, on a deep level. I want to be just like him, in a way. I got sick that Sunday though. When we got near home , Dad picked us up and took Jonah home, then we went off to my grandparent's house for the American Mother's day to have dinner and it was a good evening, despite that I was with an extremely sore throat. I watched the last 2 episodes of Once Upon a Time while there. The new car broke down for the second time on the way home and I had just talked to my Mom to wish her a happy mother's day and get suggestions on how to combat this cold so I would be well enough to go on thew trip at the end of that week. I got some good advice, but we got stuck at a car repair place waiting for a taxi. It was not fun at all, because we got home at almost 12 and I took some vitamin A and went to bed. My throat felt worse in the morning and dad let me goff from school. I went the next day and missed a couple classes the rest of the week, but otherwise did well. Katie and I fell out again in the next week. Probably good for both of us that we did, but I don't know. It hurts when she comes to mind. I talked to some important people about some important things. Got credit back for last Semester and figured out the 504-plan details. Learned when I could visit Bellevue College and learn more bout their program. Wednesday, I hung out with Robby, and we had a lot of fun, I bought a few CDs that day. Friday I got up at a bit after 7 and made it to school in order to go on the trip to Idaho with the choir, I was running on 4 hours of sleep or less due to packing the night before. It was crazy. The morning passed fast and then we were on the bus, 3 of the 4 choir boys in the back corner. The first while was quiet and I got some work done but after we stopped for lunch we started having some fun with music. A lot of improv, some rapping, which was terrible, but it was all fun. Then we stopped at Eastern Washington University and saw another High School choir sing (which was going to be at the performance the next day) and we performed, and the EWU choir performed 3 songs including this one:

And it was amazing. I had to remember it for the next few days. Afterwards we went to a theme-park hotel thing and met our hotel roommate, who seemed pretty cool at first. Julian. We all hung out the rest of the day, we bowled (Ricky and I won). And then played Mini golf with our chaperone, which I lost 2 dollars on with 78 points to Hakeem's 66 and Julian's 53 or something like that. It wasn't a BIG deal but... It was a great bonding experience though. Us choir bros are closer than ever. We ended up till 3am with our talk about girls, the difference between the words "nigger" and "nigga" (this is in context to the conversation that we had, sorry if anyone's offended) and just all kinds of stuff. We played a whole game of "Would You Rather" too. It was pretty great. We were up at 6am, I borrowed Ricky's hat, and fell in love with it. I had a tiny breakfast and we were out to go to the local high school, at which we watched some performances and then performed. Then my Mom showed up with my Aunt and they had just barely missed us, which was a slight disappointment. We watched a few more performances, then went and watched the band perform. Then we all traversed out to the busses and got changed into our regular clothes for our day at Silverwood. Once we left, a half hour later we were in Silverwood and the four of us spent the whole afternoon together. Almost the entire time, pointing out girls that were really attractive to each other. We went on a spinning ride that sticks you to the wall and a roller coaster that goes upside down, albeit really short. It was fun. Then we got food, and finally went to the last place we would stop in silverwood, where we did more improv music. The one that's embedded in my brain because it lasted like 6 minutes. It was actually amazing even if the chorus was "Take a Selfie" over and over. I actually dreamt about it last night and told someone in my dream about the freestyling we did. It was really funny. Anyway, at that point, Gabby joined us and we hung out with her for practically the rest of the trip. She'd lost her wallet. It was a damn shame. We place 5th of 6 in the choir competition. For many reasons. I don't feel like we did our best. But our Orchestra got 1st place in the competition for Orchestra and our Band got 2nd for Band. Something to be proud for I guess. Then we all just gathered up and left the park. All schools at once. Ours gathered and took pictures for each group, then altogether. I think it may have been one of the best group photos I've been in cause I was actually having fun with it. Then we all gathered on the busses and started our way home. We played I Spy for a while on the way to Spokane, where we stopped at the mall there and went to get food. I went to buy batteries, did just that, then met with the guys, had a Mexi-Fry then went to do some other stuff and ended up in Hot Topic where I bought 2 CDs, under the impression that 1 would be half-off and it wasn't. :c But I still bought them and it was worth it. Better than a shirt, if I'm honest. ISSUES and Palisades. Yum. Anyway, then I hurried off to Zumiez to look for a hat to get so I could give Ricky's back and I couldn't find one so I left and hurried back to the bus with no food or drink (and I really needed water). Then we started our journey back home which... albeit kinda sleepy, was nice because Gabby joined us and we talked a lot, it was very interesting. We got back half past midnight. And the next day I had to get up at 8am. To help serve swedish meatballs and wash dishes, etc. I slept in the car for about an hour before and after the "dinner" thing. It was good fun, and good food, but boy was I tired. The next week went mostly smoothly. My mom was here for 3 days to do counseling sessions with my dad. On monday I hung out with Alexy and we met with his prom date and listened while the girls planned prom, which I am now thinking of going to, if I can get the money. I might cut my hair a bit too. I went to Value Village almost literally every day except Friday and bought about a dozen CDs, 4 movies, a manga book and Skyrim for the PC (which I need an activation code for ). I also got a tux and a couple ties that I kinda like. Missed a couple classes here and there, but it was all well and good. I learned I'd probably be doing the solo for the song "You'll Be In My Heart" by Phil Collins next week; Wednesday probably. I actually can't wait. Practicing a lot. And I mowed the lawn like 3 times in the past month, making 20+ dollars each time. And then here I am, past midnight on Saturday (mentally I'm still on Friday), writing this. Had no school, and then I have Monday off. It's so nice. Katie showed up at 9am and brought back my sweatshirt while Ben and Jonah were still here after staying the night. The fridge broke though and dad had to stay home to have a repair man come in, but he couldn't fix it. So, we got a new fridge. Hooray! (at least that's a start, right?)

Sorry for all the words. If you read all that, congratulations, and Thank you. Seeya next time! (Hopefully sooner so it doesn't all pile up like this.) Haha

--Per/Javelintarget